LESSON: Recovery from extreme adversity and failure happens in fits and spurts. We must become comfortable living with roadblocks at every turn. Just when we feel we are making progress, the phone will ring, or the summons will appear, and we are back in fight-or-flight mode. We must stay focused and realize it remains a long journey and not let recurring adversity break our spirit for ultimate recovery.
The below lesson is an excerpt from my recently released Amazon #1 Best Seller, When Not If: A CEO's Guide to Overcoming Adversity, Forbes Books, 2024.
After my prison law library work achieved five reversals of the court decisions, removal of two federal judges, exit from a violent 4,000-man prison, and return home 7 years early, more miracles kept coming my way.
My home confinement day job, offered by a friend of Ashleigh’s, allowed me to manage and grow a minority/women-owned small business serving the local shipyard. In the first six months we grew year-over-year sales by over 67 percent, and I couldn’t believe my luck. I was back in business, being productive, and making a positive difference.
My close friends, most of whom had decided to stick with me, sprang into action. My Air Force Academy roommate, Brian, had done very well for himself. He flew his newly acquired Gulfstream IV private jet from San Diego to sit down with me and provide a long list of companies and projects he needed help with.
I clearly remember how happy I was about others’ successes when, before this experience, I would have likely been jealous or competitive. Now, I was only overwhelmed with gratitude for these opportunities.
I rose before dawn seven days a week to make progress on the new commitments. It felt amazing to be in charge of my own time for the first time in years. I also had to prepare for the upcoming evidentiary hearings to reverse my conviction, before commuting to my home confinement day job. I refused to give another dollar to an attorney, not that I had any left to give.
As required, the large ankle monitor I displayed would buzz throughout the day while the GPS tracked my movements. The halfway house would call four to five times per day and night to also confirm my location, as well as bring me in every week for drug testing.
With great difficulty, I secured a driver’s license and a bank account to deposit my modest weekly paycheck. I intently focused on the positive path to restoration while battling the reality of completely starting over with Google Factor Shame. If you googled my name, you would get five pages of results vividly describing my excesses and failures.
And one of the most surprising restoration miracles? On New Year’s Eve night, 2020, Ashleigh whispered in my ear, “We are pregnant!” I was fifty-six. My son was twenty-seven. And now I was set to start a new family with a baby girl we would name Carleigh. It was just like Joy had prophesized (see Blog – Joy Talley, True Angel, True Story). Ashleigh and I were over the moon, and I allowed myself to take a breath and thank the universe for saving me and giving us this miracle. I ran up and down the stairs during home confinement and took extra doses of vitamins. Now, I had to stay strong for another twenty years!
After we had decided on the name Carleigh, Ashleigh checked the meaning of the name. She started to cry and showed me the phone. It read, “Free Man.”
With conflicting emotions, but also great relief, I withdrew all my legal proceedings to overturn my conviction. The costs of appeal were too high. The last time I was successful in reversing the decisions, my sentence was bizarrely increased. With little Carleigh on the way, I could not risk winning, however unlikely, as I had already experienced the backlash of more charges and longer sentences. After 12 long years, I could not risk the results of standing up for what I believed was right and being sent back to prison.
On April 4, 2022, the US District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia accepted my withdrawal, and my case was closed. [Doc. 379]. Technically they won, but I firmly believe we also won by never allowing them to break us.
Have a great week!
Order Amazon #1 Best Seller When Not If (Hardback, Kindle, Audio): https://www.amazon.com/When-Not-If-Overcoming-Adversity/dp/B0CKWTYSFF/r and on Audible https://www.audible.com/pd/B0D2LQ6QNC and Chirp When Not If by John Kador & Jeff Martinovich - Audiobook (chirpbooks.com).
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